losing my freedom. finding myself.

yesterday was my first day back to FT work. it feels odd — but also great — to be getting back into a regular routine and regular paycheck. but it’s going to be more than that. it’s going to be an awesome opportunity to grow/learn/push myself. i’ll miss not being the “boss” of my day, but i’m grateful to be back earning a regular paycheck.

the group welcomed me with open arms. it’s like being back with family in a way (i’ve been freelancing for them for the past year). at the risk of sounding…old…i’m happy to be working with a group that is mostly my age (40s). they’re a talented group, and my initial reaction is that i will be happy here for quite awhile.

speaking of family….had the pleasure of actually getting to celebrate my mom’s birthday with more than a card in the mail and a phone call. first time in probably 20 years that i actually got to be with her on her birthday. definitely solidifies the decision we made months ago to relocate closer to them.

i’m ready for some normalcy (well, as much as that’s possible with my life), some roots. the past couple of years were dominated by a feeling of restlessness. i guess part of that can be attributed to losing two jobs in a 9 month period. the other dominant factor was the period i wondered in my own darkness. it’s interesting how we can be living in what we think is brightness, only to finally discover (through self- and other guided observation) that i was lost. thankfully i had awesome support at home. i also found support through a series of random endeavors.

now that i’ve found the light (carol ann!), i’ve ventured back into things that brought me joy. i’m playing tennis more regularly. i’ve joined a choral group. i’m getting more social. now to have a real kitchen back so i can get back to real cooking, i’ll be, well, more satisfied. And full.

now, back to work (it still feels “odd” to say that….or type it). guess 15 months of “freedom” can’t be changed overnight…or after one day on the job.


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